His Mission, Not Mine

One of the most exciting moments for someone preparing to serve a mission is the day they get to open their call. This day for me was anything but exciting, nerve wracking, and long. My call had been at home for 3 days and I hadn't even gotten to hold it yet, because I was still in Cedar City. The friday I opened my call was such a long day. I had several classes, I needed to stay focused, and I still needed to take the 3 1/2 hour drive to SLC. Well, the moment finally came. I had a lot of family to support me, and find out where I was going and the excited was already flowing out of my body. Not to mention I was going on 3 hours of sleep, because I was excited and just couldn't sleep. I had the call in my hands, my family was around me and all I could think of was what if I didn't want to go where the Lord needed me to go. That thought immediately left as soon as I was opening the letter. I had been called to serve in the New York, New York North mission. My family all started cheering and I needed to settle them down because there was more. I was to prepare to preach the gospel in the Mandarin Chinese language. Yes, I am learning to speak Chinese. The best moment of that entire process was the feeling I got as soon as I saw where I was going. It wasn't a burning sensation, it wasn't overwhelming peace, and it wasn't doubt. It was the calming but exciting feeling I get when I know something is right. I know I should keep moving forward, but not 100% sure of why. It was the same feeling I got when I knew I should go to SUU, I just kept moving forward.
That is when I realized this is His mission, not mine. I am going for him, not me, not because "everyone else" is going, and not because of the age change. I am going because I need Him and He needs me. He knows something I don't, but something that I have in me that can change someone in New York to bring them closer to their Savior Jesus Christ. He knows that with His help I will be able to speak Chinese. He also knows my testimony better than I do, and He knows how He can change me through the people His spirit will teach, with me being the instrument He needs. This is his will, "This is my work and my glory--to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man."  (Moses 1:39) He wants to change us to be able to become like He is, because that is the way to eternal life, and eternal happiness. All He wants is for us to be happy.

Fear Not

These past few weeks have been crazy. School has been busy and the busiest of all was working on the paper work for me to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. The work has paid off. I get to open my call hopefully this week. There have been a lot of struggles going through this process.
First off, there is always opposition. Whether it be for a good choice or a bad choice, there will always be opposition. Knowing that there is opposition is a tool we can use to guide us in what we do. Knowing Good and Evil will help us know how we can choose. I have learned about this in greater depth this past month or so. There have been days where I haven't been able to truly study my scriptures. I would always read them, at least a verse, but to truly study them is completely different. The sad thing is, is I had time to study. I chose not to. Doing this opened a tear in my spiritual shield. Satan took advantage of this very quickly. Days that I didn't STUDY my scriptures, I had thought of doubt about serving a mission. These thoughts included, "You don't know the scriptures enough to teach the gospel." "The gospel is so complicated that you only know the basics, there is no way anyone will listen to you." "A mission is going to be way too hard for you to go." As I was having these thoughts it was remarkable how quickly the spirit would tell me to read or pray. Then thoughts of peace and encouragement came into my head. Like I said there is always opposition. The spirit is always there to guide people in times of sorrow, or discouragement. "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear but of Power." (2 Tim 1:7).
Second, it takes a lot of effort to prepare physically and emotionally. Preparing physically requires doctors appointments, and dentist appointments, with Bishop and Stake President interviews. Planning is a big part of the process. Setting my availability date was a struggle because my dad is getting married in the summer. I really wanted to be there for that. It's hard when things are taking longer than you wanted them to, especially doctors and dentist appointments. I was also encouraged to align my schedule similar to a missionaries schedule. Such as arise early, kneel and pray every morning and evening, and go to bed early. This schedule can be kind of difficult, since I am in college. I have class start at 8 am most days so getting up somewhat early isn't that difficult. It is hard however for me to get up at 6:30 consistently. I usually wake up around 7:30. Going to bed however, is a different story. Homework takes up a lot of time. I usually am up doing homework until at least midnight. Some nights even later. I have a lot of work do to prepare physically. Emotional preparation is also very difficult. The way I have found that has help me the most is to not think of my needs but of others. When ever I am feeling stressed about my mission, serving someone always helps. Doing my roommates dishes is a great stress reliever. Emotionally I need to be spiritually strong. I need my prayers to be completely sincere. Reading my scriptures need to fill my spiritual well not just quench my thirst for 5 min. I need to constantly be watching for Satan's temptations or I will fall into his traps. It can be saddening to realize that I won't be spending time with my family for a year and a half once I am gone. It has been a blessing however when I do spend time with them I get to spend quality time with them. I try to get to know my siblings on a deeper level than I knew before. Going to college and living on my own has helped with my emotional preparation. Learning to talk to people, buying groceries, doing laundry, cleaning up after myself, has really alleviated to stress of the unknown.
The best thing that has happened, it listening to General Conference. The talks given by general authorities truly gave me so much strength to get through this last month of school. I can be ready to go face the world with all I have and show them the light of Christ and how it can bless and give peace to our lives. I am so excited to serve a mission and can't wait to know where the Lord has called me to go!

The Sisterly Influence on The English Scrooge

I am going to share a paper I wrote for my English 1010 class. Some of the events in the paper may not be in exact order, but my sister did influence me a lot in English and she did change my point of view.

The Sisterly Influence on the English Scrooge

There is a person who has an extraordinary English ability. This person knows grammar inside and out. Reading was one of her many past times and talents. She was her school’s English Sterling Scholar for 2011. The description is not referring to me. Her name is Kolbie Astle. She is my sister and She is where my relationship with English begins.

Kolbie and I were born 15 months apart. In all we did Kolbie was the quiet, content reader and I was the active, hyper, antsy child. We were both smart in what we did. I was excelled in math, science, art, and physical activities. Kolbie’s talents were reading, art, math, science, history, and any other arithmetic. The problem with us being 15 months apart was our teachers assumed we were similar. They were wrong. The subject Kolbie excelled in the most was English. This was my worst subject, but since Kolbie excelled at it teachers would push me to be just as good as Kolbie was. This made every good experience I had with English disappear, like reading The Magic Tree House books. These books had adventure and they were easy to read. However, since my sister was reading high school level reading books in elementary, all of my teachers thought I should read those too. Events like these made my mindset similar to Ebenezer Scrooge, from Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol. Since elementary school every time I heard the word English I would want nothing to do with it. I chose not to understand it. The words were confusing and I chose to not retain what I was learning. It is safe to say that I was an “English Scrooge”. I was then changed by an event. By the person who I thought put me in the mindset in the first place.  This was the day I read Kolbie’s blog.

In High School, I was still pushed to excel in English. I took the honors English classes 10^th grade -12^th grade. In class we would discuss the symbolism behind the books we were reading. Students in my class would describe events like they watched it in a movie. They said they would see colors and textures. The thing that bothered me most is, when they could describe what a character looked like. They would say the man was short, he had a big belly, with short brown hair, and twinkling blue eyes. I didn’t know what they were seeing. I could never see pictures; I only could imagine shadows.

One day after school, I was devastated to get my literary analysis of Joseph Conrad’s, Heart of Darkness essay back. I failed again. I was crying to my mom. I was going into an “English Meltdown”. My mind was reverting back to all the negative things I did. I failed my first, second and barely passed my third draft of my Crime and Punishment essay. I was never as good at English, as my sister was. I had not passed a single essay in my senior year. It seemed as though everyone in my family had the ability to write a passable essay, but me. Even my younger stepsister could write better than me. After I cried all of my woes to my mom, She gave me a semi-helpful pep talk. This consisted of my mom showing me all my accomplishments. She reminded me that I was directing a musical, and I didn’t have as much time as my other siblings and students to revise my essays like I would have liked to. She reminded me I was working on singing a classical song for Solo and Ensemble. She also reminded me that everyone is different in his or her own abilities, and mine was different than my sisters.

As soon as my mom had finished calming me down, Kolbie walked into the room.  My mind put up the “Scrooge Shield”. My thoughts went straight to how I didn’t want my sister to say anything about English, and if she did I would pretend to listen but I wouldn’t retain anything. I didn’t want any advice from someone who had put all the pressure on me to succeed in something I didn’t like. English.  However, I was wrong. Kolbie wanted to share with my mom a song she had written. This fascinated me.  I had written songs but never shared them with my family. I could relate to music. Kolbie began to play the song she wrote for her boyfriend leaving for summer training in the Army. The song’s name was Imperfect Symphony. This song was not related to English what so ever, but it talked about how imperfections can come together to make something beautiful. I thought about my imperfections in school. I thought about how maybe, my faults would some how be able to make a difference. Other people have faults and I thought that all of us together make a world of faults; it brought me so much peace to realize that I wasn’t alone. Kolbie talked to my mom how she would write things on her blog a lot, I usually wouldn’t pay attention, but when she said she put her song on her blog, I was instantly curious.

I don’t know what I was expecting when I first searched out my sisters blog. It may have been that I wanted to see if her writing would affect me as much as her song. As I opened her blog, her picture was right in the corner, she had so many things written, but the first one that caught my eye was titled, “On the Brink”.  This is a paragraph that caught my attention while reading. The words seem to scream right into my heart and my mind.

“On the brink of adulthood, on the brink of independence, on the brink of a new path. A path that I know nothing about. I want to meet the people on that path, and show them that I am a force to be reckoned with. Not an ignorant kid, not a hormonal teenager, but a person. A person who knows what she wants and is willing to work hard to get it. I will show everyone the kind of person that I can be (Astle).“

            In reading this, the words were exactly what I needed to hear. After I read this article, I began to search through out her blog. I found poems she had written, random thoughts she had, and many more writings she had done. As I read her work, I began to appreciate English. It was the hinge that opened up my mind to change. English changed to be a form of art. My mind was able to make sense of art. I had played piano since I was seven, I was acting on stage, I was singing in choir, and now English was a form of art. The way words can create feeling, and touch souls. They way the different imagery created a different world. It made sense to me because art can’t be done wrong, once a strong foundation of the basics is applied; therefore reading and writing can’t be done wrong, I needed to learn the basics of the English language so I too could create art with my words. Once I learned this I began to listen and learn in class. 

            Although that year of AP English was not what I had expected it to be, I learned a great deal about the English Language, not from my teacher, but from my sister. Her influence changed my view of English. I only pass one or two essays that year, and I didn’t pass the AP test. However, I learned a good essay couldn’t be written in a 45-minute time frame. Writing is an art that takes time. I learned it takes patience, pondering, editing, rewriting, revising, confidence, and work to make it how I wanted it to be. My first try wasn’t good enough for a final draft, but it was a perfect start. All of my imperfect drafts could create a beautiful work of art if I took the time to make a symphony.

Works Cited

Astle, Kolbie. "On the Brink". 5 Septmember 2010. 2013 11 2013 <kolbieanne-23.blogspot.com/2010/09/1-on-brink.html#more>.

Week 3: Christ like Attribute Challenge

I know I have been posting the weekly challenge every day, I am catching up with where we are in our scripture study. Week three's challenge was to pick a christ like attribute that we needed to work on. Before we pick an attribute we went into the Preach My Gospel Manual and took a self assessment on pg 126. This activity helped us learn about the christ like attributes and then rate how well we think we were doing. Then we picked the one we needed to work on.
The two I saw that needed improvement in my live were Faith and Humility. In working on these two attributes I learn how much my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ have given me every day. Ironically, that past week I got sick, and was able to see how much he blesses me during those times. My roommate Abby was so kind and giving and wouldn't let me get up from the couch. I learned I cannot count completely on my self. Others have an impact on my life as well.
We all have the light of Christ with in us, our job on earth is to allow it to grow by pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones.



Here is the activity if anyone would like to try it.


ATTRIBUTE ACTIVITY
Read each item below carefully. Decide how true that statement is about you, and choose the most appropriate response from the response key.
Write your response to each item in your study journal. Spiritual growth is a gradual process, and no one is perfect, so you should expect to rate
yourself better on some items than on others.
Response Key     1 = never     2 = sometimes     3 = often     4 = almost always     5 = always

Faith

1. I believe in Christ and accept Him as my
Savior. (2 Nephi 25:29)
2. I feel confident that God loves me.
(1 Nephi 11:17)
3. I trust the Savior enough to accept His will
and do whatever He asks. (1 Nephi 3:7)
4. I firmly believe that through the Atonement
of Jesus Christ I can be forgiven of all my
sins. (Enos 1:5–8)
5. I have enough faith in Christ to obtain
answers to my prayers. (Mosiah 27:14)
6. I think about the Savior during the day and
remember what He has done for me.
(D&C 20:77, 79)
7. I have the faith necessary to help make
good things happen in my life or the lives
of others. (Ether 12:12)
8. I know by the power of the Holy Ghost
that the Book of Mormon is true. (Moroni
10:3–5)
9. I have enough faith in Christ to accomplish
anything He wants me to do—even
miracles if necessary. (Moroni 7:33)

Hope

10. One of my greatest desires is to inherit
eternal life in the celestial kingdom of God.
(Moroni 7:41)
11. I am confident that I will have a happy and
successful mission. (D&C 31:3–5)
12. I feel peaceful and optimistic about the
future. (D&C 59:23)
13. I firmly believe that someday I will dwell
with God and become like Him. (Ether 12:4)
Charity and Love
14. I feel a sincere desire for the eternal
welfare and happiness of other people.
(Mosiah 28:3)
15. When I pray, I ask for charity—the pure
love of Christ. (Moroni 7:47–48)
16. I try to understand others’ feelings and
see their point of view. (Jude 1:22)
17. I forgive others who have offended or
wronged me. (Ephesians 4:32)
18. I try to help others when they are
struggling or discouraged. (Mosiah 18:9)
19. When appropriate, I tell others that I love
them and care about them. (Luke 7:12–15)
20. I look for opportunities to serve other
people. (Mosiah 2:17)
21. I say positive things about others.
(D&C 42:27)
22. I am kind and patient with others, even
when they are hard to get along with.
(Moroni 7:45)
23. I find joy in others’ achievements.
(Alma 17:2–4)

Virtue

24. I am clean and pure in heart. (Psalm
24:3–4)
25. I have no desire to do evil but to do good.
(Mosiah 5:2)
26. I am dependable—I do what I say I will
do. (Alma 53:20)
27. I focus on righteous, uplifting thoughts
and put unwholesome thoughts out of my
mind. (D&C 121:45)
28. I repent of my sins and strive to overcome
my weaknesses. (D&C 49:26–28)
29. I feel the influence of the Holy Ghost in my
life. (D&C 11:12–13)

Knowledge

30. I feel confident in my understanding of
gospel doctrines and principles. (Ether
3:19–20)
31. I study the scriptures daily. (John 5:39)
32. I earnestly seek to understand the truth and
find answers to my questions. (D&C 6:7)
33. I receive knowledge and guidance through
the Spirit. (1 Nephi 4:6)
34. I love and cherish the doctrines and
principles of the gospel. (2 Nephi 4:15)

Patience

35. I wait patiently for the blessings and
promises of the Lord to be fulfilled.
(2 Nephi 10:17)
36. I am able to wait for things without getting
upset or frustrated. (Romans 8:25)
37. I am patient and long-suffering with the
challenges of being a missionary.
(Alma 17:11)
38. I am patient with the faults and
weaknesses of others. (Romans 15:1)
39. I am patient with myself and rely on the
Lord as I work to overcome my
weaknesses. (Ether 12:27)
40. I face adversity and afflictions calmly and
hopefully. (Alma 34:40–41)

Humility

41. I am meek and lowly in heart. (Matthew
11:29)
42. I rely on the Lord for help. (Alma 26:12)
43. I am sincerely grateful for the blessings I
have received from the Lord. (Alma 7:23)
44. My prayers are earnest and sincere. (Enos
1:4)
45. I appreciate direction from my leaders or
teachers. (2 Nephi 9:28)
46. I strive to be submissive to the Lord’s will,
whatever it may be. (Mosiah 24:15)

Diligence

47. I work effectively, even when I’m not
under pressure or close supervision.
(D&C 58:26–27)
48. I focus my efforts on the most important
things. (Matthew 23:23)
49. I have a personal prayer at least twice a
day. (Alma 34:18–27)
50. I focus my thoughts on my calling as a
missionary. (D&C 4:2, 5)
51. I set goals and plan regularly. (D&C
88:119)
52. I work hard until the job is completed
successfully. (D&C 10:4)
53. I find joy and satisfaction in my work.
(Alma 36:24–25)

Obedience

54. When I pray, I ask for strength to resist
temptation and to do what is right.
(3 Nephi 18:15)
55. I keep the required commandments to be
worthy of a temple recommend. (D&C
97:8)
56. I willingly obey the mission rules and
follow the counsel of my leaders.
(Hebrews 13:17)
57. I strive to live in accordance with the laws
and principles of the gospel. (D&C 41:5)

Week 2: Penny Prayer Challenge

The second challenge we had was to put a penny in our shoe and every time we felt the penny we needed were to say a prayer. Yes, I felt the penny all the time. No, I didn't stop every two seconds to say a prayer. What I did learn was how to have a prayer in my heart. Hymns are a prayer unto our Father in Heaven, so I usually had a hymn in my head. Also I would look at all the things I was grateful for. I also would just see what I could do better through out my day. I would think of the atonement and Jesus Christ.

The penny is always there, just like our Heavenly Father, it's our job however to feel it and pay attention to it and let the spirit come into our hearts and make the Holy Ghost our constant companion. This challenge was simple and once the penny was in my shoe, very easy to remember. Having a prayer in my heart not only blessed me but others as well. Even if I didn't see the results of my prayers for other people, I began to look outside myself and see other's needs.

Week 1:The Smile Challenge

In college I have participated in a group scripture study. This semester we have decided to have a weekly challenge. Week 1 was the Smile Challenge. We were challenged to smile all day long, to look up at people as we were walking to class and smile at them. We smiled at everything, the challenge was to smile 24/7.

As I went through this challenge I began to realize how I can change how happy I am feeling just by forcing myself to smile. Even if I wasn't having a good day I can still smile at the blessing I had been given. Such as my loving roommates, or the wind, or the birds chirping. I began to see the little blessing I had been given when I was forcing myself to smile.
Forcing is exaggerating a little bit, like most challenges they become easier the longer the challenge is. This was true for me. Although some days were harder to smile all the time, it became easier to smile. I was happier, I was so much happier. I am already a pretty happy person, but this challenge opened my eyes to see that I can choose to be happy even under rough circumstances.

Whats my Gift?

Today while I was in institute we were studying 1 Corinthians 12-16. There was one chapter that I learned a lot from today. This was that we all have spiritual gifts. Paul gave a perfect analogy of why different gifts are essential to the building up of God's kindgom.  Just like a body has different limbs that allow it to function as a whole, we as individuals have different responsibilities to make the church run the way it was intended. Paul discusses how without your nose we wouldn't be able to smell, so why should we want our nose to be our eyes. All spiritual gifts are beneficial to the church. Why would we want someone else's gift when our own is essential to bringing others unto Jesus Christ. His plan was not for all of us to be the same, but for us to get our own experiences and become masters of what we have been given and what we have to offer.

Recognizing spiritual gifts is not boasting. How can w know how to use our spiritual gifts if we don't know we have them? If you have ever had the opportunity to be present when a child discovers they have hands/feet/anything, you will know how special and unique it is to witness how children learn. This is how we can strengthen our spiritual gifts we have been given. I have found that asking to recognize my spiritual gifts I have noticed characteristics about me I didn't know I had, and how grateful I am to know about those characteristics so I can now improve them and make them stronger.

One of the gifts we have that is perfectly fine to covet it the gift of Charity. This gift is the greatest of them all; however charity takes the most time to fully understand. No one on this earth can fully comprehend the significance of Charity. Charity isn't just a characteristic, it is many action based qualities of the heart the makes up charity. This gift is described so wonderfully in 1 Cor 13.

There are many gifts that we all have, the challenge we received was to make a list of our spiritual gifts, then tell someone how much their spiritual gift has helped your life. I invite any who want to, to find their own spiritual gifts and fulfill them the way God wants them to be build up.

SA